Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
