People with herpes should wear stickers.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
worst night to have a conscience
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
