I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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