Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
