U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize