i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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