Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
