Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
