I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
