Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
