I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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