dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
