Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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