Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i now understand why vodka
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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