he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
