my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
