so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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