I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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