I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
