Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
