okay pat passed out under dana's car
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
