so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
