I CAN MOONWALK!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
