I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
