i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
