my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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