Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
