Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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