You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
