i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
