did you get engaged???
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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