one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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