You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
