I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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