not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i will never coherently bang her
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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