its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
