I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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