my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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