I'm going to rape someone's good day.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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