Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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