you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
