I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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