I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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