Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
