I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
