yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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