Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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