Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm too high and old for this...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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