fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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