when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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