is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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