i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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