Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
