It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
