my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
