I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
