I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
