Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize